A’s, B’s and C’c

There is a common saying in business that A’s hire other A’s, but B’s hire C’s. Managers who are outstanding tend to recruit outstanding people, but managers who are less than outstanding are threatened by outstanding people and tend to hire people who aren’t even as good as they are, and who therefore don’t threaten to show up their deficiencies. David Ogilvy had it right when he said “If each of us hires people who are smaller than we are, we shall become a company of dwarfs. But if each of us hires people who are bigger than we are, we shall become a company of giants.”

This doesn’t just happen in business of course. It is a common feature of all human institutions. Only people who are truly confident of their own abilities are comfortable around other people whose abilities are exceptional. That may explain why so many leaders surround themselves with lesser lights who don’t threaten them.

But just occasionally, perhaps when the stars are in the right conjunction, a really bright manager will manage to assemble a group of really bright people, and then wondrous things happen for a while!

Helicopter parenting

I recently heard this generation of parents described as “helicopter parents”, because they hover ceaselessly around their children. I know parents who are like this; they are in their child’s face every day all day long. They seem to feel they would be failing their children if they didn’t participate in every activity the child undertakes. They worry endlessly about protecting their children from anything that might possibly be the slightest bit disturbing. They are deeply concerned about their diet, their bedtimes, their homework, what they read, what they wear, how they keep their room, who their friends are, and above all keeping them safe from any possible risk, however small.

While this approach is certainly better than being completely disinterested in one’s children, I can’t help thinking that this sort of child-centered family life can’t be all that good for either the children or their parents.

Childhood should be a time when children explore and experiment and find out who they really are. It’s hard to find out who you really are if someone else is trying to control every detail and aspect of your daily life.

Children need a chance to try things and fail, and discover that failing sometimes is OK, it’s a natural part of life. They need a chance to make decisions, good ones and bad ones, and learn from their bad decisions. They need the freedom to take risks, within reasonable bounds.

Childhood should be a time when parents let children begin to learn about and participate occasionally in adult activities, not when parents participate endlessly in childhood activities.

Childhood is life’s gift of time to be creative and imaginative; a time for unscheduled, free-form play, not a daily regime in which every hour not filled by organized sports or classes is consumed driving to and from all of these scheduled appointments. . Children need down-time; they need lots of it.

It seems to me that in such child-centered families both the children and their parents need to get a life!

Heaven and hell

I’m not much of a religious believer, but I do believe in heaven and hell. But not the afterlife sort that dominates most theology. I believe heaven and hell exist right here on earth, while we are living.

There are people who are content and happy in life, happy with what they do, happy in their relationships. I think this is as close to heaven as any of us could imagine. I certainly feel that way.

And there are people whose lives are a daily misery, and if that isn’t hell I don’t know what is.

Now whether we are in heaven or hell is to a certain extent a matter of luck. Some people get through life without major tragedy, and some people just have the bad luck to inherit depression genes or to be born in a war zone or into abject, grinding poverty. Still, there is more than luck involved.

To a large extent we make our own reality with our own attitudes. I think of Stephen Hawkings, locked in his wheelchair for 40 years, hardly able to communicate any more. Yet he continues to express joy (most recently at experiencing zero gravity) and do impressive work in physics. I think of Christopher Reeve, struck down as a quadriplegic in the prime of his life, he went on to continue to direct and act in movies, and encourage others with disabilities not to despair. I have a friend who has been battling cancer for as long as I have known her – perhaps 20+ years now – but she gets on with life, occasionally disappearing for a while for chemotherapy and then reappearing wearing a wig, but having a good time all the while. Attitude.

On the other hand the world, or at least America, seems to be full of celebrities and stars with all the fame and fortune anyone could wish for, who bounce from one disastrous relationship to another, often sinking in misery with drugs or alcohol until they do themselves in.

In truth, it rains on everyone’s parade from time to time, and whether that ruins our life or not is simply a matter of our attitude. So in the end, I think what gets us into heaven or hell is our outlook on life, not our theology. And I feel sorry for all those who spend their lives waiting and working to get into heaven after their death, and thereby miss the heaven possible in their lifetime.

Civilized politics

It’s true that American politics can seem pretty dirty when one sees some of the attack ads and negative campaigning. Still, let’s keep this in perspective. Compared to much of the rest of the world, politics in the USA is still pretty gentle. Losers for president don’t set up parallel shadow governments and refuse to recognize the winner, as has been happening in Mexico recently. Mobs don’t roam the streets burning cars when their candidate loses. Although we have had a few assassinations of government figures or candidates in our history, in general these have not been political in nature, with one party assassinating members of the opposite party. It has been a long time since there were fist fights in Congress. We don’t have armed coups. Republicans and Democrats don’t have armed supporters roaming the streets, kidnapping opponents and having firefights in the middle of towns.

Looked at in comparison to other countries, even some other first world countries, American politics is really pretty civilized. We ought to be thankful for that.

Re: Is Islam a Peaceful Religion?

Here is an alternate view on Islam from a retired Episcopal priest who has spent some years actively engaged with Mosques near his parish. Since his retirement party included two Imams along with several bishops, his views deserve to be listened to.

For one of the few instances in the time we have known each other, I find that I must disagree with you and your view on Islam. My experience of Muslims here in Maryland has been totally different. From 9/11 on, the Muslims here have spoken out forcefully against the violence that has perpetrated in the name of Islam. This includes Shia, Sufi, Sunni and Admadaya Muslims.

As for the violence in the Qur'an, I find it to be as culturally determined as both the Hebrew Scriptures and the Christian Scriptures. Even Jesus said that he had come to bring not peace, but a sword and to divide family member against family (probably had a really bad day that time.)

The thing I see is that the media are not very interested in reporting those who do speak out but interested in reporting those who advocate violence. Case in point, when the former president of Iran, Mohammad Khatami spoke at Washington Cathedral and engaged in dialogue with Dean Lloyd and Bishop Chane(I also think that it was probably the first time that I had been protested against, rather than being a protestor. There go my 60's credentials.) In addition, there was virtually no coverage of Bishop Chane's trip to Iran in further engage the government and Khatami there.

Just a few days ago, the Pew Global Attitudes Project's 47 nation survey finds that 34% of Lebanese Muslims think suicide bombing is sometimes justified (vs 74% in 2002). In Bangladesh, Pakistan and Indonesia, the proportion of Muslims who view suicide bombing and other attacks against civilians as being often or sometimes justified has declined by half or more over the past five years.

The Washington Post reported on a conference of young Muslim American leaders and there emerging as a force in this country. Since most of the Muslims in America are foreign born, this bodes well for the future of Muslims in America as they begin to emerge as leaders of their community. It seems important to me that the rest of us keep in touch with these young people as they grow into our diverse society.

Finally, the Washington Post did an excellent series of editorials but Muslims on what is the future and present of Islam in the world and in this country. (July 22, 2007).

Again, I don't know if you have seen the online "On Faith" discussion that is currently going on at newsweek.washingtonpost.com/on faith. I find it very encouraging.

My personal view is that Islam is in need of a Reformation such as happened to Christianity about 500 years ago. Islamic countries are also in need of a middle class, because that is where I find the moderates. Extreme poverty and lack of education means that dictatorial rulers can and do manipulate people. My biggest hope is all those programs that are working for the education of girls. Women can, do and have changed the world.

My friend, Sabir Rahman, past president of the Sunni and Shia mosque up the road from me, maintains that the Muslim experience in the United States will eventually change Islam world wide. His reasoning is that Muslims here are learning how to exist as "one of many" in a diverse society and that will spread back. He cites the fact that in his mosque, Sunni's and Shiites worship side by side and together run the mosque.

What are the real priorities?

I had a friend once who taught me to ignore the words of upper management about priorities and just pay attention to what gets funded. If an activity or task gets fully funded, it’s important to upper management. If it doesn’t get funded or it just gets token funding, then whatever they may say, it really isn’t important to them.

The same can be said for ordinary people in their own lives. To see what is really important to people, as opposed to what they will say is important, look at where they spend their time and money.

And the same can be said for politicians and political parties. To see what really matters to them, ignore the campaign rhetoric and simply look at what activities they are willing to fight for and fund.